The Most Selfish Thing I Do: Letting Fear Decide

The Most Selfish Thing I Do

HOW TO TELL "THIS IS WRONG" FROM "THIS IS RIGHT AND I'M TERRIFIED"

Fear is the most selfish feeling..

When I am inside it, the whole world narrows down to me. My money. My reputation. My wellbeing. My safety. What people will think of ME. Me, Me, Me.

Most recently, I caught myself in my own fear spiral about a goal I was working toward. Something I have been dreaming about, that I know in my heart would be amazing. And yet every time I have faced a perceived set-back with this goal, I find myself shrinking.

Recently, as I was drowning in thoughts of self-doubt, wanting to take it all back, thinking of ways out, my higher-self took over. All of a sudden I noticed how selfish I was being. Every single thought going through my head involved “me” or “I.”

What if I couldn’t do it?

What if I failed?

What will people think of me?

What if I get it wrong?

What if I waste my time and resources?

ME, ME, ME….I, I, I…..

And then it dawned on me – I’m not even doing this for me. I mean, yes, it is a dream and goal that is alive in my heart. BUT why? Did you ever pause to ask yourself where inspiration and passions come from? They are universal nudges to put your gifts and light out into the world. They are there for you to share with others in order to SERVE. Gifts, after all, aren’t meant to be kept for yourself. This goal, this dream I have – yes it will help me feel fulfilled, but more importantly, it will help serve so many others. If I don’t follow through, if I don’t do this because I get trapped in my own selfish fear, I don’t get to spread the light.

WOAH.

And that’s the part we miss. The woman who doesn’t speak her truth, who doesn’t go for it, doesn’t engage, doesn’t show up, doesn’t follow through, doesn’t raise her hand, is not only costing herself. We’re all paying the price of not having access to her magic. Your ideas, your passions, your dreams – they are MEANT to be followed through on. Not even for you. For others.

The world does not get better because we all stayed home and managed our discomfort beautifully. It gets better because somebody went for it, even when she was afraid.

Had an honest conversation. Took the chance with no guarantee attached. That is the only way any of us gets our light out where it can reach anybody.

So when you walk toward the thing that terrifies you, know what you are actually doing. You are not being brave for yourself. You are giving something away. That is exactly why it comes back to you multiplied.

I’m not saying you need to ignore every time you get a bad feeling about something and label it growth.

I am not telling you to run at everything that scares you. Some things are genuinely not yours. Some rooms you should walk out of, and your body knows it before your mind catches up.

So here is how I tell “this is wrong for me” apart from “this is right for me and I am terrified.”

Notice who the no is about. When something is out of alignment, the no is about the thing. This person, this offer, this room. No argument attached, no reasons, no case being built. Just a flat grey closing feeling. When it is fear, the no is about you. What if I fail. What if I look stupid. What will they think? Every reason starts with “what if,” and every “what if” has you as the main character.

Feel the charge. Out of alignment is dull. It has no pull in it, only weight. Fear is electric. If you are afraid of it AND you cannot stop thinking about it, that is not a warning. That is wanting, wearing a warning’s clothes.

Then say no, and watch what happens. Say no to the misaligned thing and the relief is clean. It stays gone. Say no to the frightening thing and you get about ten minutes of relief, then it comes back. And back. Six months later it is still there at 2am. That is not fear you dodged. That is a yes you are still too afraid to make.

So, a real question.

What is the thing you keep saying no to that keeps coming back?

With love,

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